Have you ever been disappointed by a situation because it simply wasn't what you expected it to be? If you're human and you have lived on Planet Earth most of your life, the answer is likely, "yes". For me, the answer is "all the time!"
Of course I don't believe life should all be gum drops and dreams-come-true, but it would be nice if for once I could have exactly what I want. I sound like a spoiled brat, but I am not talking about tangible things. I can't lie. I have dreams about tangible things that I would love to come true. Just last night I had a dream that my parents bought me a brand new, dark green Chevy Corvette. Of course green wouldn't be my choice in color, but after feeling that big block 427 at my feet I had "Corvette Fever" and really didn't care what color it was. "Corvette Fever is an actual condition because I just said so. When you awake from your dream your blood pressure is through the roof, you're sweating, and you could possibly have dry-mouth and a sore throat. Not to mention, some people have been known to wet the bed and other things...This Corvette dream was a special one, but I would never actually expect it to come true. On the other hand, I have had daydreams that I really wish would have happened.
"Dreamlover"
When I was in college I had the biggest crush on one of my best friends. I never really said anything because I didn't want to ruin our friendship. We hung out just as friends all through my experience at UAB. My best memories from that place were with him. We even went to thy gym together, we played video games and watched football together. A couple of times he told me he liked me and he took me to dinner. One time after he took me to dinner, it was raining outside. It was in the middle of summer, so my hair was a mess and the humidity made my hair stick up and curl out! God knows I looked like I had been struck my lightning. But this night, there was no lightning. Just soft rain. And one of the most profound daydreams of my life. As we walked in downtown Birmingham to his apartment, I remember thinking that I wanted him to kiss me in the rain so bad. It was the perfect "movie moment". But instead he ran ahead of me and went straight inside. I had to walk slow because I had a dress and heals on. By the time I finally made it inside I think we tried to go from friends to more than friends, but it just never worked out. It seemed like every time I was single he was with someone and every time he was single I was with someone. That's the crazy thing about timing: It's everything.
I can't deny the fact that I've always been boy-crazy, but I waited for so long for the stars to align for me and this particular beau. Unfortunately, they never did. And that's just part of life. I have come to accept the fate that lies there. Now that I think about it I am glad it didn't work out. I think I went for so long wanting that relationship to work, and I tried so hard to make it work, that I was blinded by what I really needed and wanted. Now that I know what I know, I know I would be miserable stuck with that guy. I'm glad we can remain friends but I have changed my mind!
As for my ex, one time during a mid-summer rain storm, we were outside on the back porch talking about life and I happened to mention my daydream and longing to be kissed in the rain. He didn't swoop me up, take me into the rain and plant one on me. Nope. He didn't tell me he would surprise me one day when I least expected it and steal a kiss in the rain. Nah-uh! Instead he said...AND I QUOTE: "Me and my last girlfriend had sex in the rain for like two hours one night". Just so you know, when I just finished typing that last sentence I had to take a break and chisel my face from my hands. It's sad that all good memories end with a negative parallel to that man.
"I Get a Little Bit Stronger"
Thankfully, the last week has been so amazing. I have not been sad about my ex at all. I have found I have been talking about him less and thinking about him a lot less.
