MOO-tiful Me

   As I continue to move on and focus on personal growth after the worst breakup of my lifetime, I also reflect on what got me here. Not here in my city or here in my job, but here emotionally. What made me this way? I was born on January 2, 1985. My parents did not plan to have a child so young, but as soon as my mom found out she was pregnant she knew I was her baby girl. My parents instantly loved me and showered me with everything I could ever want and need. No matter what it took, both of my parents worked as hard as they could to make my life better. To this day they still go out of their way to make sure I don't go without necessities, and at times needs.

"Mama, I'm Alright"

   My mother has always been so proud of me. At a very young age she put me in my first beauty pageant. By the time I was 15, I had already been involved heavily in cheerleading, I already had taken gymnastics, baton twirling lessons, horse riding was a huge part of my life. I was also dancing at the local community college, I played the saxophone and trumpet (not well, but it made a noise) in the high school band, and I was in every club in school you can imagine. Did I mention I had a job? I worked at a restaurant on the weekends. Without the patience and time from my mother, I would not have been able to do any of that. Those activities helped me to socialize with other and molded me into a well-rounded high school student.
   I think I would have been pretty normal from that point on if it wasn't for one little thing. When my family moved from the city to a small town in East Alabama, I began to experience bullies. Some of the older girls at my school were so vicious. They actually MOO'D at me in the lunchroom. Yes, like a cow. Why? I have no idea. I was not overweight, I was not even chubby and I didn't eat a lot. I still have no idea what they saw in me that reminded them of a cow. Also, my mother had breast cancer at one point when I was in high school. I was used to getting brand new clothes all the time, but at that point she was unable to go shopping for me. Sadly, I was growing out of my clothes. I had a beautiful grey suit that I loved, but it was getting too short. One morning, I wore the suit to school anyways. I still felt really good about myself and knew I looked skinny! I bee-bopped into the lunchroom that day knowing no one would MOO at me because why would they when I looked soooo amazing!?! I was right! They actually didn't MOO that day. I enjoyed my lunch beside my lunchroom buddy. My lunchroom buddy was a younger student with a mental handicap. I ate with him every single day and he always told me I should take up for myself. I should have taken his advice and sometimes still look back and think, "Man, I should have kicked those girls' butts!" But things were looking bright this day. Maybe I wouldn't have to deal with those mean girls anymore. As I was leaving lunch, my wishes were shattered. This time, the moo'ers did not MOO from a distance. They did not mock me from their lunchroom table. Instead, they walked right up to me as I was leaving the lunchroom. The lead cow said to me, "Nice suit, is that what you're wearing to your mom's funeral?" A wave of madness, heartbreak, fear and disbelief went over me, nearly taking my breath away. As I stood there in my skinny, grey suit I thought to myself, "this is the devil". To this day, I have not forgotten those evil words and I have not forgotten the person who spoke them. That had to have an impact on my future relationships with women. I have a very hard time connecting with other women in a social setting. My trust has been broken with other females and I often find myself thinking they are fake and if they are nice to me, I often think they have ulterior motives.

"Mean"

   So, now I know my social issues possibly stem from the mean girls in high school. But, I'm thankful I never had suicidal thoughts. It seems these days more kids commit suicide because of pain they experienced at the hands of bullies. I thank my God and those angels he gave me (such as my lunchroom buddy) for the strength to get through those experiences.
   I also know I am spoiled, which can be difficult for a man to deal with. But the one man that has always been in my life (my father) has always said I deserve no less than a man that wants to spoil me and tell me how beautiful I am every single day. Gee thanks dad for giving an example impossible for any man to live up too!

*If you know someone who may be dealing with those types of issues, CLICK HERE for help.