The Situation

   So I thought I was good-to-go in the love search, until about 3 weeks ago. Don't get me wrong, I had my doubts all along. My 8 month, on and off relationship was pretty rocky. But it was the only time I can remember being completely in love to the point of no return....until a point came where I had no choice but to turn.
   The situation goes like this: I met him online in March. We were very happy doing things like camping, site-seeing, and an occasional trip to the supermarket. I know it sounds crazy, but we had so much fun couponing! Since he never once took me on a real date, I was fine doing pretty much nothing, all of the time. The longer we stayed together, the less I got out. The less I got out, the more he got out. See, I work overnight, so my hours can put a strain on a relationship. But I did what I needed to do, planning my sleep around his schedule. He is a fireman, so his hours weren't the best in the world either. He never made sacrifices for my happiness the way I did for him. I would go to work after only s couple hours of sleep just because he wanted me to make dinner. Now that I think about it, I have a feeling he wanted me to make dinner because he couldn't afford his own.
   At 34, the man was more worried about having the best looking car than he was about paying his bills. He's never owned a house and he lost his apartment. So where did he stay? My apartment. That's right! He moved his stuff into my tiny one bedroom apartment and took advantage of my kindness. Most of that time I was working two jobs and trying to take care of my man, and the entire time I was unaware of his frequent outings to a local bar. He had told me a couple of times that he went to this one bar in particular, but he always told me he had to go because his older brother really wanted him to. Of course, I had absolutely no problem with him going out. I had (as far as I knew) no reason to not trust him. It was when he began hiding these outings that I became suspicious. As much as I wanted to go through his phone, I was NOT going to be "that girl".
   One day, my suspicions got the best of me, and I did it. I went through his text messages. What I found was more than disappointing, it was devastating. In the course of our relationship we had already broken up once because he was "freaked out" by how he felt about me. As soon as the "L" word showed up, he slapped a big "L" on my forehead and left me. But a few weeks later he came crawling back with a sweet letter and flowers. The day I took him back I realized I had changed as a person. Before him, I would have never done that. He made me weak and turned me into a person I never thought I would be. The good news was that after the first breakup, we grew closer and we seemed to be getting on the same page. Until that morning when I read his texts. He left his phone beside the bed as he was getting ready for work. He was in the shower when I looked over and noticed the phone laying there. I swear it was calling my name, begging me for attention. I stared at the phone and told myself, "NO! If you need to go through his phone, the opportunity will just come to you". So I waited. I almost fell asleep by the time he got out of the shower. I heard him walk into the bedroom, then walk out and a few minutes later. My peaceful sleep was broken when he dropped something in the kitchen. He was making his lunch. The noise scared me, so I got up to relieve my fears on the toilet (Yes, I poop). As I'm taking care of that situation, I look beside me and what is on the counter? His phone. The doors to my bathroom were locked, and it was just me and the phone in the bathroom. Here was my golden opportunity. I took a deep breath. In the back of my mind I knew I would find something. I didn't know what, but I knew with the way he had been acting lately, there had to be something. So, I reached over, picked up the phone and started reading.

   I found at least 3 texts conversations with girls that were disrespectful towards our relationship. Things like, "I really enjoyed seeing you last night. Maybe next time you will have gotten rid of that girlfriend so you can go home with me". His reply, "Oh trust me, I'm getting rid of her". Also, he was planning a beach trip with one other girl. And a girl named Brandi, he told her he would rather be living with her than me. Yeah, that was nice to read. It's really good to know that this person you have given your all to is working on giving his all to everyone else. Needless to say, this happened to his things:

"Giddy on Up, Giddy on Out!"

Yep, that's right. I kicked him out. Everything he owned was outside in 20 minutes. I had never been so motivated to move things. But like all tragedies, love got the best of me and I ended up taking him back four days later. Oh so stupid. Two breakups already and I've never been one to take a person back. I should have known this was going nowhere. Of course the same sort of things continued to happen after we got back together. At this point, we are definitely, without a doubt, completely over forever. I refuse to ever speak to him again. I have no desire to even be friends with him. To me, he is nothing but a bad memory. I do not regret taking the bastard back so many times, though. I think you have to know for sure that a situation is not right for you before you just go breaking up with people. Sometimes you have to go through trials to find out what you want and need. The biggest regret I have is that four days between the second breakup and us getting back together. Those four days are still with me now. I wish I would've done things a little bit differently. But that, is a blog for another day...