Have you ever been disappointed by a situation because it simply wasn't what you expected it to be? If you're human and you have lived on Planet Earth most of your life, the answer is likely, "yes". For me, the answer is "all the time!"
Of course I don't believe life should all be gum drops and dreams-come-true, but it would be nice if for once I could have exactly what I want. I sound like a spoiled brat, but I am not talking about tangible things. I can't lie. I have dreams about tangible things that I would love to come true. Just last night I had a dream that my parents bought me a brand new, dark green Chevy Corvette. Of course green wouldn't be my choice in color, but after feeling that big block 427 at my feet I had "Corvette Fever" and really didn't care what color it was. "Corvette Fever is an actual condition because I just said so. When you awake from your dream your blood pressure is through the roof, you're sweating, and you could possibly have dry-mouth and a sore throat. Not to mention, some people have been known to wet the bed and other things...This Corvette dream was a special one, but I would never actually expect it to come true. On the other hand, I have had daydreams that I really wish would have happened.
"Dreamlover"
When I was in college I had the biggest crush on one of my best friends. I never really said anything because I didn't want to ruin our friendship. We hung out just as friends all through my experience at UAB. My best memories from that place were with him. We even went to thy gym together, we played video games and watched football together. A couple of times he told me he liked me and he took me to dinner. One time after he took me to dinner, it was raining outside. It was in the middle of summer, so my hair was a mess and the humidity made my hair stick up and curl out! God knows I looked like I had been struck my lightning. But this night, there was no lightning. Just soft rain. And one of the most profound daydreams of my life. As we walked in downtown Birmingham to his apartment, I remember thinking that I wanted him to kiss me in the rain so bad. It was the perfect "movie moment". But instead he ran ahead of me and went straight inside. I had to walk slow because I had a dress and heals on. By the time I finally made it inside I think we tried to go from friends to more than friends, but it just never worked out. It seemed like every time I was single he was with someone and every time he was single I was with someone. That's the crazy thing about timing: It's everything.
I can't deny the fact that I've always been boy-crazy, but I waited for so long for the stars to align for me and this particular beau. Unfortunately, they never did. And that's just part of life. I have come to accept the fate that lies there. Now that I think about it I am glad it didn't work out. I think I went for so long wanting that relationship to work, and I tried so hard to make it work, that I was blinded by what I really needed and wanted. Now that I know what I know, I know I would be miserable stuck with that guy. I'm glad we can remain friends but I have changed my mind!
As for my ex, one time during a mid-summer rain storm, we were outside on the back porch talking about life and I happened to mention my daydream and longing to be kissed in the rain. He didn't swoop me up, take me into the rain and plant one on me. Nope. He didn't tell me he would surprise me one day when I least expected it and steal a kiss in the rain. Nah-uh! Instead he said...AND I QUOTE: "Me and my last girlfriend had sex in the rain for like two hours one night". Just so you know, when I just finished typing that last sentence I had to take a break and chisel my face from my hands. It's sad that all good memories end with a negative parallel to that man.
"I Get a Little Bit Stronger"
Thankfully, the last week has been so amazing. I have not been sad about my ex at all. I have found I have been talking about him less and thinking about him a lot less.
Interestingly enough I had this very same thing happen to me in college. I had met my college friend in accounting class and she and I were paired together on a class assingment. I was ending yet another ex-girlfriend and she was in love with a young stud who often would use her one weekend and dump her the next.
ReplyDeleteOur disfunctional lovers brought us together as friends and we ended up hanging out going bowling, rolloerskating, and having innocent fun. Although I didn't take her serious at first, I grew to have a crush on her, but she could never let go of her pot smoking little stud and so we gradually drifted apart and I soon found myself dating yet another future ex-girlfriend.
For years I held on to the idea that maybe my college friend would return and we'd live happily ever after, but she quickly found a preppy pot smoking guy and married him for his money. I look back and wonder why her and I never connected, we never even kissed, but it wasn't in God's plan, and she couldn't seem to look to God to show her who to date, instead of throwing herself at a pot head boyfriend.
I just always longed for the complete woman who would help me have fun in life, yet be happy being herself. I wondered through many years praying to God asking where is the woman that He wanted me to wait for? Often tired of waiting I'd get impatient and get trapped in dating the worst woman in the town. Out of sincerity I'd believe in loyalty and trust, but after the typical 4 months of intense lust and conterfeit love, I'd find myself stuck in a relationship with a slutt who demanded I block and delete all my female friends while she snuck behind my back and would cheat on me with the guy she said she thought was a "jerk."
But I digress.
Years have passed true love never appeared and I found myself giving up and looking to God for explanations. I had almost accepted my fate and figured God was punishing me for all the wrong woman I had dated, until I met this young woman in Birmingham.
ReplyDeleteHonestly I can't explain how we met. I saw her at her job and nothing happened. I made contact with her on Facebook and she was beautiful, but I taught ladies kickboxing and was suronded by many beautiful women. I had been asked out by many ladies since living in Birmingham and gracefully declined because I was sick and tired of false tru love. I kept praying to God to show me who the right woman would be, and many of the ladies I met didn't seem to be the God fearing type. So months went on with my meeting this certian young woman. She ended up dating a guy I trained with, and although we had talked of going go-cart riding I quickly brushed it off and figured she had found true love at the fire department. Hey I was a cop for 11 years and true love seemed possible for them at the time, and I was happy for them both.
Probly a year went by and she and he parted ways. I lost touch with my young friend for a minute, but started seeing her post on Facebook and finding that she liked the same stuff I did. She liked old songs like Patsy Kline, June Carter Cash, and she was as outgoing and strong willed as I was. So without thought I started posting and liking her comments, and yet a few more months went on.
Finally my career teaching kickboxing began to wind down, I found myself getting away from what God had called me to do, and that was invest and use my accounting degree instead of teaching at gyms. I began to pray and seek the Lord for direction and ask him "where am I going wrong?"
Suprisingly I found the Lord showing me I had too many distractions, and was wayyyyyyy off track from His plans. And right during this time while I was selling off some farm land in Georgia, my tiny young friend asked me to come fix her bike. I was very reluctant to go at first, because I hardly knew this woman, and my cop nature doesn't trust anyone. But I agreed and went to help her, funny thing was how did she know I fix stuff? We only knew each other on Facebook, what thought made her ask me to fix her bike? hhmmmmm Right then and there I should have asked God, but "nope" I didn't.
ReplyDeleteSo I go fix her bike and something happened that wasn't supposed to happen. I was supposed to fix this young woman's bike and be on my way. So what happened you ask. . . well I used to pray as a teenager that when I saw the woman God picked for me I would fall in love with her at first sight and time would freeze and I'd know it was her. I would pray this over and over and jokingly say I would know the right woman because I would fall in love with her at first sight. . . Well God didn't answer my prayer as a teenager in Georgia back in 1992, He waited until 2013 in Alabama at an apartment with a strainge woman from t.v. to nail me. But as sure as there is a God in Heaven and He answers prayers something happened that day that has "never" happpened to me before. . ever!!
So how does this story end, well I left of course. I never said anything, she got her bike fixed and was Facebook officially dating another guy in October.
So Now, after months of waiting to see their engagement, or at least to see both of them having matching profile pictures on Facebook, I fgot up the courage to tell her how I felt. I mean what if what happened was the real thing, was I supposed to let true love slip away because I was scared to tell the truth? Well it didn't go too well she did the noble thing as a girlfriend and I got officially blocked on all social media outlets. Now its officially in God's hands and I'm wondering why this happened?
ReplyDeleteSo that puts me here reading blogs and identifying with the frustrations of finding true love, and asking God, why did you cause me to have that experience of falling in love at first sight, if you knew she was “happily” dating another dude and I would get blocked for telling her how I felt? I trust you Lord God with all my heart, but you sure make walking in faith an adventure.